PROPOSITION 8: RUSH LIMBAUGH, THE FABULOUS BEEKMAN BOYS, THE CONSTITUTION, AND THE MISSING LOVE OF CHRIST

We hold these truths to be self-evident...

Sometimes, I really don't know where to begin. As a Christian, especially as a minister, it seems to get more difficult everyday to try and handle things the right way...especially for a dirt bag like me. Those of you who are regular followers of this blog know of the struggles I face in attempting to represent the Love of Christ towards others. Frankly, I fall short every day...actually, it's more like every second, but, hey...who's counting, right? Anyway, it's something that I would rather not have to make public, especially on a regular basis. But, fortunately or unfortunately, I am a firm believer in the old adage: Silence, when the truth should be spoken, is a lie...so, here we go...

... that all men are created equal...

For those of you not familiar with the issue, you can find it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_in_California
Basically: In May of 2008, the California Supreme Court ruled that marriage was a fundamental right granted by the Constitution of California, not a privilege; next, Proposition 8 was voted on in that same year to amend the State Constitution to eliminate that right, and finally, in August of this year, a Federal Judge ruled that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional based on equal protection under the law.

Still with me?

Basically, the issue is whether or not the Constitution gives equal protection of the right to marriage to ALL consenting adults. The issue, as it stands as of today, has been ruled in favor of ensuring that right.

 ...That they are endowed by their Creator...

The issue, therefore, is first and foremost, an issue having to do with equal protection under the law, IE, the Constitution. I have been amazed, while perusing the web, at the number of people in favor of Prop 8, and against the Judge's ruling, who have made the basic argument that, "...the judge has usurped the will of the people. The people voted, so it should be law..." I said surprised, not amazed. The fact that a great many people are not aware of what type of government we live under doesn't amaze me. The fact that someone like Rush Limbaugh made the same mistake did amaze me. You can hear his comments here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw-PU5Y1LMo

Whether you like or dislike someone, you should always give them their due. Mr. Limbaugh is an intelligent, articulate advocate for what he espouses. To hear him make the same mistake about our form of government was amazing to me. So, it seems to me that a basic refresher course is in order.

 ...With certain unalienable Rights...

We do NOT live in a democracy, thank God. We live in a Constitution based, Federal Republic, with strong democratic traditions. This is not my opinion; rather, it is how the United States Government refers to itself, which you can find here:https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/us.html
Now, what does that mean? It means that we live in a country where there are rights for the citizens which are not up for a popular vote. That's why they're called rights.

 ...That among these are Life...

You have to give our Founding Fathers some credit. "Endowed by their Creator..." Brilliant writing. If a creator gives the rights, only that creator can take them away...and please, don't get me started on our Founding Fathers being Christians...most of them weren't, at least not the way we define Christian today. If you doubt that, take a look at the Jefferson Bible: http://www.angelfire.com/co/JeffersonBible/

Thomas Jefferson was more responsible for our initial documents than anyone else. He certainly wasn't a Christian like I am. His two main mentors, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Paine, weren't either. They could all be called Deists, at best. But, their brilliance still shines through. Whether it is Nature as the Creator, or your own personal God, the rights are given...and man has no power to take them away. Period. Quite a built in safeguard. You have to remember that all of these men had lived under the divine right of kings, where the king was not truly answerable to any earthly power. Yes, there was a Parliament in England, but its influence had historically fluctuated. The other monarchies in Europe didn't even have that check on them. Jefferson ET AL settled the issue once and for all.

...Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness...

If then, it is a constitutional issue, it should be sacrosanct. And please, no straw man arguments about: bestiality, necrophilia, polygamy, or pedophilia. I've read them all in due course of this topic. They don't apply.

Now, however, we come to a much thornier discussion. But before we do, I'd like to introduce you to a couple I've gotten to know a little through their TV show: Brent Ridge and Josh Kilmer-Purcell...The Fabulous Beekman Boys. You can find their websites here: http://www.beekman1802.com/ and here:  http://planetgreen.discovery.com/tv/the-fabulous-beekman-boys/the-fabulous-beekman-boys.html
You should take a moment, if you're not familiar with who they are, to read about them. Once you have, we'll continue.

Done? OK, here we go then. Our family stumbled on The Fabulous Beekman Boys a few months ago on TV. The first time I saw the opening, I was reminded of "Green Acres" from when I was a kid. We started watching, as a family, and got hooked. I'm not one who is usually too interested in reality TV, but I liked this show. The main reason? I came to care about the two main characters. Real people. Real hopes. Real dreams. Real struggles. Real disappointments. The operative word here is real. I have married a number of couples in my time as a minister and Josh and Brent remind me of most of them. They bicker, sacrifice, make up, love...all of the things that couples do.

I don't know what their views are on marriage. None of my business. But, if they want to get married, after living together for over ten years , I believe that they have the God given, Constitutionally protected right to do so. Period. Now for those thornier issues...

If you want my basic take on the Christian position on Gay marriage, you can find it here:http://thedumbassspeaking.blogspot.com/2010/04/just-couple-of-old-queens.html

I was going to write about the Good Samaritan again, but instead, I'll let you read the articles what I've written before: Here: http://thedumbassspeaking.blogspot.com/2009/07/kathy-griffin-matthew-shepard.html
and here: http://thedumbassspeaking.blogspot.com/2009/08/for-chesliekathy-griffin-matthew.html

My stand on these issues has already cost me some friends. I'm sure that this new blog will cost me some more. So be it. To all of you who proclaim yourselves to be Christians, like me, let me ask you just a couple of questions.

Do you really think that if Jesus was walking the earth in His ministry today, He would show up at rallies with a sign that reads, "MY DAD HATES FAGS, QUEERS, AND DYKES" ? Do you think that He would stop in the middle of His healing to ask if the person was Gay, Lesbian, or straight? Do you think when He made enough food to feed five thousand men and their families, He would instruct the disciples to make sure they didn't give any to the homosexuals?

I was going to write a lot more, but I'm tired...and the pain is killing me. That heart attack I had seven months ago took a lot of my energy with it...but not my passion. So, one last thing, to those of you who are Christians: If you really want to protest something in Christ's name...start with those abominations on TBN. The ones that prostitute your Savior like He was a cheap whore...just for their own personal aggrandisement and gain. The ones that teach that He was rich...and that you should be too...the ones that teach God is dependent on your actions...the ones that teach that they could have made the same sacrifice on the cross that He made...I could go on, but like I said, I'm tired...if you want to write to me, I'll give you a list...along with the Scriptures that teach that we should stand against them...and why...

For now , try practicing what Jesus actually taught...

Love God the best you can...

And, Love your neighbor as yourself...

LOST: THE BOOK OF JOB and the ULTIMATE GAME

I don't think that this is what the writers of LOST are doing with the story. This is just what the storyline on LOST reminds me of at the moment. With that in mind, let's move on...

If you haven't read the Book of Job in the Bible, you should. Very powerful and informative stuff. Not very empowering to the Church in today's world...at least not the Churches that make God your personal genie and claim that you determine your own destiny. Not even very good for those who claim to have chosen Christ rather than the other way around. Too bad. It's always been a big help to me.

So...what is the main theme running throughout Job? Let's look at the story.

First we're told that Job is a really good guy. He's so good, in fact, that he prays for other people just in case they may have screwed up. He's rich, powerful, fears God, shuns evil, and probably helps little old ladies cross the street. Couldn't be any better of a guy.

The Sons of God, whoever they are (and yes, I think I do, but that's for another time) show up to hang out with God up in Heaven. Satan is with them. This means it's after his fall as Lucifer. He still has access to God as our accuser. God asks him the equivalent of, "What's up?" Satan's response?
"Oh, you know...hangin'...chillin'...checkin' stuff out down on the Earth."

God's reply is very informative in many ways. He asks Satan if he's checked out Job. Then, God brags on Job. Says there is, "...none like him in all the earth."

Wow. Can you imagine God saying that about you? I can't. Maybe the other way...like, hey, look at Chris...you ever seen such a screw-up in all your days? Job, unlike yours truly, was obviously high on God's list.

Satan gets chippy back with God...says, sure...who wouldn't do good and be cool with all that stuff you've given him. Take his stuff away, and he'll curse you to your face. God tells Satan to knock himself out...take it all...just don't touch Job. And...off Satan goes. He takes all of Job's stuff. Kills all of his kids. Really screws him over. Know what Job says? "I didn't have nothing when I got here...sure ain't taken nothing with me when I go...God gave it to me, He can take it back...it's all His. Thanks for lettin' me have it for awhile."

This is powerful stuff. Have you ever thought, or heard from somebody else, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Job was a good guy. Why did that happen to him? Well, who brought his name up? It wasn't Satan...it was God. Let's look at what happened next.

Some time goes by. We aren't told how much. The Sons of God and Satan are back up hangin' out with God. God asks Satan again, "Where you been?"
Satan tells him again..."hangin', checkin', chillin'...

Now God brings Job up AGAIN. "He's still my boi, and even though I let you screw with him for no reason, he still stands strong."

Satan's reply? "You let me take his stuff...but a man would sell his own soul for his life and health...let me screw with him that way and he'll curse you to your face." God says OK, but you can't kill him.

So...who brought Job into all of this both times? God did. This whole thing is a bet between God and Satan...and God is betting on Job!

Satan screws with Job really bad now. Boils from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. His wife tells him to curse God so he can die. He tells her to shut up..."...you want the good stuff from God? Then you gotta take the bad too." Didn't do anything wrong. Better man than me. Can't say much for his wife, though. I'll take mine any day.

This is where Satan does his best work. First he has the wife screw with him. Now his three best friends show up. And, how do they comfort Job? By telling him that he must have a secret sin in his life, or God wouldn't be doing this to him. Nice.

A little story from me now. Some of you know I have a degenerative neuropathy. The pain is so bad, it feels like someone injected all of my veins with gasoline and then set them on fire. Most of the time I can block out the pain well enough, but sometimes...anyway, a few years ago, I was hanging with this other Pastor. Nice enough guy. I had told him all about my past. Pretty much everything. Not a pretty picture, but I have no delusions of grandeur. So...one day the nerve damage hits like it's never hit before. I call him and ask for prayer. The pain goes on non-stop for two days. I start going through a check list in my mind of anything in my life that's changed recently. Well, I had just started taking an "energy boosting" vitamin pack. One of the ingredients is the worst thing to take if you have my neuropathy. I stopped taking the supplements, and the pain went back down to its normal hell.

Two days later, this Pastor calls me. Says he knows why my pain is soooo bad. You see, God spoke to him. That's right...God spoke to him. Directly. Personally. God told him that my pain was punishment for secret sins in my life. If I just confessed my secret sins to him (the pastor, not God), then my pain would go away. I asked when when God told him all of this; he said the night before. He asked if he could come over. Sure. Please do. Apparently, neither God nor this Pastor knew the pain had been caused by the vitamin pack and had been gone for three days.

I let him go through his whole routine when he came over. It was filled with how much he loved me, how long he had fasted for me, how God spoke to him...you get the idea. I let him talk. God had told him just how urgent it was for me to confess these secret hidden sins to him. You can imagine his surprise when I told him about the vitamins and being back to normal for three days. I told him I didn't know which God he'd been talking to...but it wasn't my God. Mine didn't make mistakes like that. He left...very embarrassed and trying to act like he hadn't said what he said...oh, and by the way...please don't tell any of the congregation about this. Please?

You see...this Pastor was getting ready to try and pull some financial shenanigans at his church. He suspected that I might know. He wanted to have dirt on me to use in case I tried to out him. I didn't care to out him. Not worth my time. And anybody who knows me, and thinks I have secret, worse sins than I cop to, isn't very bright. The ones I own are bad enough, thank you very much.

Am I comparing myself to Job? God forbid. Job was a righteous man. God said so Himself. Me? Not so much. However, we all go through tests and trials. What we need to remember is this...

God is betting on you. He loves you. He wants you to win. It isn't about how you look doing it. This life isn't a sprint. It's a combination marathon/obstacle course/gauntlet. Tough stuff. Doesn't matter what order you finish in. Just finish. And...God has already promised that you will finish. Keep your head up. You'll make it. Just don't quit.

At the end of Job's story, God gives him ten times more than he had before (same nagging wife, though...I'm sure glad I've got you Cherish) and tells Job's friends that He won't even listen to their prayers anymore because of how bad they spoke about Him. They have to beg Job to pray for them. The real kicker: It never says that God ever told Job why he put him through all of that shit. Never tells Job it was all a bet.

Now, back to LOST. Which character reminds me of Job?

John Locke. The true believer. The only thing he does wrong is finally ask why? Just like Job. Only mistake Job made was asking God why. Once God started to answer, Job changed his mind. Too late. Once God starts talking, He doesn't like being interrupted. You ask...He just might answer.

Last night's episode had the "Flocke Monster say that John Locke was a sucker for believing that the island brought him there for a reason. Maybe he was right. We all feel like suckers sometimes when we try and do things God's way. But...

If the Flocke Monster represents Satan, or evil...then you know that he lies...all of the time. I think he was lying about John Locke. I think Satan can't stand it when we believe...especially when we cling desperately in the face of all reasons not to. That's what Locke did in the show. He was killed for it. But...

I don't think that the island is done with the real John Locke yet. I think he is still the key to the ending of Lost. I believe that some how, some way, he's going to come back. It will be his return that ultimately defeats the Flocke Monster. His faith...


I know it's hard to remember when you're eyeball deep in shit that that is what it takes to make the flowers grow. But...it's much harder to remember, when you're standing in that beautiful field of flowers later...that you wouldn't be there...if you hadn't been eyeball deep in shit before.

Just as God uses our faith in Him to defeat our enemy. So, hang in there. Finish the race. God's cheering for you...and so am I.

JUST A COUPLE OF OLD QUEENS

http://www.bilerico.com/2010/04/sonoma_county_ca_separates_elderly_gay_couple_and.php

You know, I always start out with the best of intentions when I sit down to write. I have a plan...something I want to do. Sometimes it's on one of my screenplays...sometimes it's on one of my other projects...sometimes it's a blog. I always have a plan. But...the best laid plans of mice and men...

My good friend Patti posted the above link the other day on Facebook. If you haven't read it yet, please do. It's about the tragic consequences to an older gay couple because of their inability to get married. If, after reading it, you're not heartbroken...don't read any more of this blog...because the heartbreak of their circumstance, and my outrage at it, is what this blog is about.

The old men in the above photo at least are together...something that was denied to the couple when they were forcibly separated and put into two separate nursing homes...one of the men against his will. If you're married, or if you've ever loved someone, I want you to imagine...

Imagine not being allowed to see your spouse after they've suffered a life threatening injury...never seeing them again in the final three months of their life.

Imagine not being allowed to have a say in their medical care.

I imagine having the home that the two of you have shared for over twenty years taken away from you.

Imagine having all of your possessions sold without your consent...all but one scrap book...the one your lover spent the last few months of their life putting together for you.

Imagine no last look...

Imagine no last words...

Imagine no last touch...

Imagine no last kiss...

Imagine no last embrace...

Imagine the pain...the heartache...

Imagine.

This is a tragedy that didn't need to happen. And yet, tragedies like this happen all the time to Gay and Lesbian couples. They've been happening to them for far too long...and there's no end in sight.

Now, you might think it's odd for me, a straight Christian minister, to be such a strong advocate for Gay/Lesbian rights. Let me explain to you why I am.

First, you should read these two blogs I wrote a while back:

http://thedumbassspeaking.blogspot.com/2009/07/kathy-griffin-matthew-shepard.html

http://thedumbassspeaking.blogspot.com/2009/08/for-chesliekathy-griffin-matthew.html

Hopefully, they answered some of your questions on my position. The Scriptural one is beyond question to anyone who reads their Bible. "They'll know that you are my Disciples because you love one another." And, of course, "...Love God with all that you are, and love your neighbor as yourself." The parable of the Good Samaritan that I quote in those blogs doesn't leave Christians any wriggle room about how to treat others. There is, however, another Biblical aspect that is overlooked:

Following the laws of your country.

Which brings me to this:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are, Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

You know, most of the men who worked on the Declaration weren't even Christians, at least not in a strictly Scriptural sense. If you doubt that, I challenge you to read Thomas Jefferson's Bible and see how much he cut out. Most of them were Deists, at best. The people who helped formulate the thought of the day, like Thomas Paine, were atheists...and yet they had the sense to word that document very carefully.

If your Creator endows you with the rights...only He can take them away. They're not up to a vote. No change in government, no king or queen, no whim of public opinion can alter them. Also, the original wording was "inalienable", not unalienable. So? Read the following definitions of the two words:


"Unalienable: incapable of being alienated, that is, sold and transferred." Black's Law Dictionary, Sixth Edition, page 1523:

You can not surrender, sell or transfer unalienable rights, they are a gift from the creator to the individual and can not under any circumstances be surrendered or taken. All individuals have unalienable rights.

Inalienable rights: Rights which are not capable of being surrendered or transferred without the consent of the one possessing such rights. Morrison v. State, Mo. App., 252 S.W.2d 97, 101.

You can surrender, sell or transfer inalienable rights if you consent either actually or constructively. Inalienable rights are not inherent in man and can be alienated by government. Persons have inalienable rights. Most state constitutions recognize only inalienable rights.

You see, you can give up inalienable rights, if you choose to. Not so with unalienable. They're permanent. All men...that means men and women.

The one thing I've always had against our founding Fathers was their cowardice. Yes, they stood up to the mightiest nation on earth at that time. But, you know who they wouldn't stand up to? Their own neighbors...friends...peers. That's why Washington, Jefferson and others didn't free their own slaves while they were alive. They put clauses in their wills, but...who could say anything to them then? We're still paying for that cowardice, in the civil rights issues of today.

Still, you might ask yourself why the whole marriage thing is so important to me. Do you know what miscegenation is? here's a link for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miscegenation

Did you know that miscegenation laws weren't overturned by the US Supreme court until 1967? How about the fact that it took many of the remaining southern states years to comply? Alabama was the last hold out. They finally ratified it in 2000. That's right...2000.

I am mixed race. Part Native American. My wife's and my marriage would have been illegal in many states just 43 years ago. Some of you know me. I try to be a good Christian. But, can you imagine what I would do if some bureaucracy tried to separate my wife and I? Tried to keep me from her when she was ill or injured? I just had a heart attack a couple of months ago. What if she hadn't been allowed to be there for me because of my mixed race? That could have been the case not that long ago.

I followed up on the story of the two tragic men on a number of other sites. One of them had comments. That's where the , "just a couple of old queens" comes from. That was some alleged christian's remark about why it was no big deal. After all, it only happened to a couple of old queens. Those fags get what they deserve.

As a Christian, I'm tired of hearing that from those who say they represent my Savior. Sick and tired of it. I can't stop them...but, I can try and make sure that their voices aren't the only ones that are heard purporting to be voices of Christian thought.

So, from today on, my wife and I would like to be thought of as just a couple of old queens. Not really fair to her, mind you. She is, after all, very young...and very beautiful. But she wears the title proudly...as do I.

I would rather be a couple of old queens...than what I see passing itself off as Christianity most of the time.

I hope the Gay/Lesbian community doesn't mind. I know they'll love my wife...I'm a little harder to accept. But I try...

WHY I'M GLAD I'M NOT BORN AGAIN

For those of you new to my blogs, I like to use titles that get people's attention. That one probably did the trick. How could a Christian minister possibly be glad that he isn't born again? Well, it's really a question of semantics...but we'll get to that in a moment.

There is a great deal of freedom in being a minister that refuses to get paid for his pitiful attempts at working for God. I never have to worry if the message that I've been given is going to offend people so badly that my family won't be able to eat. That is very empowering. I do not, however, take that freedom lightly. If God is your boss...you really don't want to screw up too badly, too often. So, I try and take my responsibilities seriously, and still get the message across.

First, you'll notice I used the word, minister. It's a translation of the Greek word, doulos, which means a bond servant. A bond servant was someone who had screwed up so badly that they had been sold into slavery to pay off their debt. The person who paid the debt for them owned them until the debt amount had been repaid. Since, in my case, the debt amount is the life of God's Son, I'll never repay it in this life. Can't be done. And, although He has forgiven the debt completely, and made me a joint heir with His Son, I prefer to still think of myself as a bond servant. Why? Because that's what the Apostle Paul did. Paul was obviously a much better Christian than I could ever be, so...if it was good enough for him to think of himself that way, it works for me.

It also has the added benefit of reminding me of my place. G-O-D. All capital letters. Me=dirtbag. Not only pond scum, but lower case pond scum. That's a good start.

Now, let's get back to why I'm glad I'm not born again, shall we?

Jesus used simple analogies and stories almost all of the time. Planting, harvesting, fishing...simple stories for simple minds. There is really only one deeply religious conversation that He had that is recorded: the one with Nicodemus in John chapter 3. Famous passage...but not really understood well. One of these days, I'm going to write a blog about the whole chapter...it still blows my mind. Anyway...

Old Nic asks Jesus how to get to Heaven. Jesus basically says, "You're the hotshot teacher, and you don't understand the simplest things?"

Owwwwww...that had to hurt.

Then Jesus tells him that he must be born...not again. The Greek word is "hano". It means, from above. It is denotative of place, not time. Old Nic is a ticker, as we all are. His clock only goes in one direction. Forward. Can't make it go back, can't even slow it down. Tick, tick, tick...it just keeps going. So, when Jesus says, "from above", Nic figures it hasn't happened yet because he doesn't remember it happening. Of course, he conveniently forgets that he doesn't remember his physical birth either. Asks how he gets back inside of his mom when he's an old man.

Unfortunately, he misses the whole point...as most of us do, I'm afraid.

Ever heard these before?

Have you found Jesus? (Didn't know He was lost)

Have you accepted Jesus? (Does He have at least two current forms of ID)

These are some of the types of ways that we, as Christians, are taught to witness to people. I'm sure that God applauds the effort, at least most of the time. However, that type of process quite often does more harm than good. What should we do then?

Let me ask you a question...what did you have to do with your physical birth?

The correct answer is: nothing. You were just along for the ride. You had absolutely NOTHING to do with being born. Sooooo...what do you think you had to do with your Spiritual birth? If you answered nothing, you're on the right track.

God chose you...you didn't choose Him.

Now, I know some of you are at least a little disturbed by all of this, and probably wondering where I'm going with it. Before we answer some of your questions, let me ask you another one.

Does God use the analogies with us that He does because of the relationships and experiences we have?
Or, did He create us to have these kind of relationships and experiences so that we would have a better chance at understanding what he wanted us to know while we were in these limiting tents of human flesh?

If you serve an Omnipotent and Omniscient God, like I do, the answer should be painfully obvious.

So, Chris, what's the big deal? What's the difference between "again" and "above"?

Again means it happened after your physical birth...which would make God a liar...and dependant on you. Above reconciles with His Word, where He says that He chose us before the foundations of the world were laid. In other words, God chose us, or gave birth to us Spiritually, before He even created the physical universe. It means that God's Grace, and Mercy, and Love are NOT dependant on us...or our ability to perform. From above means that there is NOTHING that can separate us from that love.

Some of you are parents...so let me ask you...what could your child do to make you stop loving them? Is there anything?

Of course not. They can get mad at you. Leave and not speak to you for years. Deny you and denounce you. But, no matter what they do, they are still your child. Period. And, they always will be.

Why do I feel that this difference is so important? First of all, because God does...or He wouldn't have been so careful in the words he chose to describe our relationship with Him. Secondly, it takes the pressure off. I can't count the number of people who have come to me in tears over the years, feeling that they didn't do enough to "save" a loved one or a friend. They believed that if that person wasn't "saved", it was somehow their fault.

Nothing could be farther from the Truth.

I'll tell you what I've told all of them through the years: God is pretty damn good at His job. Great batting average. Not only always gets a hit...always hits a home run. Every firckin' time. You can depend on Him to get the job done. My God is Omnipotent...not impotent. Look again at John Chapter 3. He asks Nic if he can tell where the wind comes from, or goes. In other words, can you tell who the Holy Spirit has touched before you? Can you tell who He will touch after you?

No. Not your job. Your job is acting on the knowledge that you've been given. To love God the best you can. To love your neighbor as yourself. Do those two things, everything else will fall into place.

Does that mean that I'm saying we shouldn't, as Christians, witness to others?

God forbid.

Unless, of course, you think witnessing means going to the mall and grabbing strangers and asking them if they know that they're damned and going to hell. That's not what we're told to do...and somewhere, there's a guy who did that to me at a terrible time in my life, who's probably still looking over his shoulder wondering where the psycho ex-cop is. It wasn't pretty.

What we're told to do is to have an "answer" for the hope that lies within us. That presupposes a few things: First, that we actually have hope inside of us. Second, that our lives are such that the hope that we have shows. Third, that we live among people, and that they notice the hope we have. Fourth, that they then feel close enough to us to ask why we have the hope that we have.

I talk about my wife all of the time. People may get sick of hearing about her, but I don't care. I love her. More than anything. She comes up in my conversations all of the time because I love her.

That's the way it's supposed to be with how we present God to others. Not what they're missing. Not what they need. Not where they're wrong. Not why we're right. Just who we love...and why we love Him.

You'll find you needlessly offend a lot less people that way. Nobody likes to be told that they're fat, ugly and their mother dresses them funny. Especially by someone in checks and stripes with food stains and a mullet...and a belly hanging over their too tight jeans.

Those of you who knew me in high school and before know what an insufferably arrogant jerk I could be. And, unfortunately, that was on my good days. By the time I got in my twenties, I realized I didn't really know very much. By my thirties, a lot less. Forties? Almost nothing. Now I wonder if I could find the back of my lap with a pack of bloodhounds, a posse and a flood light.

But I do know this: God loves me. He chose me. He loves you. He chose you. How do I know if He chose you or not? If He lead you here to read this...pretty simple.

The only real mystery to me...is why God would choose me. I know me. I wouldn't choose me. But He did.

And for that, I will be grateful...eternally.

SNAPSHOTS FROZEN IN TIME PART 2: MARLEY"S GHOST

I had a dream last night...Dennis Dollarhide and I were playing kick ball at school. His arm was in a cast and a sling. He was wearing a short-sleeve, button down checkered shirt. We were on the field in between Horace Mann and Woodrow Wilson, on the Mann side, so I think we were in the third grade. After school we went to his house. I think it was on Blackthorne, right off of South St. We were playing in his front yard, hoping the pretty little dark haired girl who lived a few doors down (you know who you are) would come out and see us.

Memory is a strange thing. Did you ever catch yourself thinking about something from your past, and have absolutely no idea where the memory came from? Sometimes, if you're very lucky, you can trace back one tangent memory after another until you get to what triggered the chain. Most of the time, however, we can't. Memories seem to pop up randomly...but they are never really random. Something always triggers them. A sound. A smell. An image. Sometimes all it takes is the quality of light streaming through a window...or a particular shade of color. Amazing, really.

If you read my last blog, you know I spoke of the snapshots we leave with others, and how we should be careful of what memories we leave with people. There is of course, and inverse to that: the memories that others leave with us...more importantly, how we handle those memories...what we do with them, and what impact we allow them to have on our lives.

Man will never create a computer that can come close to matching the human mind. The complexities of our thought processes, especially when it comes to memory, is beyond our comprehension. Our minds are like photo albums, storing every single image, sound, taste, smell, and emotion that we have ever experienced. Some of them are good. Some are not. Today, we're talking about the bad ones...and what we choose to do with them.

Some bad memories are actually useful. It's good to remember that a hot stove burned you. That way, you are careful around stoves. It is not good, however, to hate all stoves because you got burned by one. It is not good to hunt down stoves and shoot them. It's not good to try and teach all people that stoves are inherently evil because you got burned by one. It is not good to refuse to live in a house that has a stove, and try and convince others to get rid of theirs. It is certainly not good to allow being burned by a stove once to dominate your thoughts, hopes and dreams for the rest of your life...to allow that memory to make not only you miserable, but also all of those around you...especially the ones you love the most.

You've noticed, I'm sure, the picture of Marley's Ghost at the top of this post. In Dickens' classic tale, the chains Marley carried with him were his misdeeds that he performed in life. While I agree that we carry our misdeeds that way, I believe that we do something far more insidious; more harmful not only to ourselves, but to those we care the most about:

Our memories...or, the ones we choose to focus on.

I'm not meaning to harp about my heart attack from two months ago. It was, however, a seminal event for me...and one that I hope can be of help to others. I learned, while re-examining my life, that it wasn't just the snapshots I had left with others that had had a negative effect on people...it was the snapshots in my own memory that I had chosen to focus on. You see, the snapshots that I chose to focus on had a great influence on the ones that I left with others. It's a truly vicious circle.

I was Marley's Ghost twice over...chains not just from my misdeeds, but from the focus of my memories. And, I allowed those chains to drag the ones I love into the depths of despair.

One of the biggest differences between God and Man is that God can truly forget when he forgives. It says in His word that He can put things as far away from Himself as North is from South, High is from Low...you get the idea. We can't do that. Once a memory is stuck in our heads, it's pretty much there forever. But, if you liken our memories to a photo album, we still have options. We have the ability to choose what pages we go to, at least most of the time. However...even when something triggers a bad memory and drags us there against our will, we have the ability to choose how long we stay on that page...and how much impact we allow that image to have on us...and those around us.

I'm not accusing any of you of being as bad as I was and am. God forbid. But...even if you have made the mistake of allowing the negative snapshots in your personal photo album to influence you even one one millionth as much as I have...it is far too much.

I am in the process of shedding my chains. I realize that it will be a life-long struggle. You see, the worst part of it is this: I like to hold on to them. There is, for some perverse reason, a comfort I find in blaming others...even though I know that it is wrong. I have always been the captain of my own ship. Whatever storms I have sailed through have been of my own doing. That is not true for everyone. Many people are truly victims of circumstance...whether that means a tragic accident...or an encounter with a monster. I cannot imagine the difficulty for them in trying to let go...but that is an excuse that I do not have.

Choose which pages of your album of memories you go to. Choose, when you are taken to a page against your will, how long you stay there. Choose what impact you allow it to have on your life, and the lives of those around you.

Don't be like me. Don't be Marley's Ghost. What few chains you may still have, let go.

The checks on Dennis' shirt were blue and green...at least in the dream. The grass was feshly mowed and wet. The scent of it hung in the still air. The sun was high in the cloudless sky...and we both could run like the wind...and one day, we will again. Be safe overseas, my friend. You are missed. And loved.

SNAPSHOTS FROZEN IN TIME

I saw a photo of Johnny Cline yesterday...and I cried.

I have always been a passionate man. Too passionate, some of the time. My emotions, however, have been very raw since the heart attack...as if someone had flayed my skin and exposed all of the emotional nerves. Still...that picture of Johnny made me cry.

The technological age we live in is amazing. I just wrote to a long lost friend who is literally half way around the world. Amazing. More amazing is how we reconnected.

I went on my Facebook page the other day, which is something that I rarely do. On the sidebar it had one of those "you might like to add" suggestions for a friend. I usually ignore those, but this time the name caught my eye. It was someone I hadn't seen in 28 years...not since my ten year high school reunion. I don't know how their software works...we had no friends in common...I never put down my old school affiliations...but I hit add. Before I had left the page, a new one popped up. A young lady I had gone to school with. So, I added her as well. Since then, a number of old high school friends have been added as friends...all in the space of a few days...which brings me to Johnny.

I went on to each person's page and looked at photos. The picture of Johnny was on one. Johnny from over thirty years ago. Johnny and I had gone to school together all the way through high school. Played sports together. We kind of separated in high school...nothing ominous or bad...just the normal parting that friends do as they divide into groups with more likes and connections. A short time after we graduated, I heard about Johnny. I don't remember how long after, maybe a year or two. He had passed away. Tragically...and far, far too young. I was sad when I heard about it. That was long ago. But, when I saw his picture yesterday...

Memories are a funny thing. Things get frozen in time in our minds, like snapshots...or, perhaps, more like stills from a motion picture. When I saw that picture of Johnny, I was flooded with snapshots of him. Snapshots of a very young Johnny, from long, long, ago. Grade school. Youth football. He was always so handsome. And that smile of his ? Well, just ask the ladies...he could charm the honey from bees with that smile. So many memories of a life cut tragically short. I wept for him...and for all of those I knew must have missed him terribly all of these years.

But it also made me think...what kind of snapshots do we leave to others?

Those of you who read my work know I like to tell stories to illustrate a point. True stories work the best...even if those stories are painful personally. So...

It was over twenty years ago. My wife was expecting Lacy. We were living in a townhouse in Huntington Beach. We had taken our girls somewhere, and had just gotten home. Our doberman, Alex, had been left behind with the screen open to the balcony in case of bathroom emergency. Alex, as great a dog as she was, was also very temperamental. She got mad if we left her for too long. If she felt miffed at our leaving, she just might not go out on the balcony to take care of business. Which is what we came home to...dog poop and pee right at the front door.

I was a much younger man. Didn't realize then how mean and bitter I could be. I picked her up and carried her out to the balcony, cussing and swearing the whole way. Every other word was stupid f%$#ing bitch. Alex was big for a dobie, over ninety pounds. But, like I said, I was a much younger man. I picked her up by the loose skin dobie's have on their backs. Hung her over the balcony...cussing and threatening to drop her for her inability to go to the bathroom right. Now, I wouldn't really have dropped her. I was just mad. And that's where the incident would have stayed, probably forgotten, except...

We moved about a month later. We were moving into a house in Orange for Lacy's birth. More room for everybody, and a yard for the kids and the dog. Our downstairs neighbors helped a little with the move, and that's when they told us this story:

They had visitors a while back. A young married couple. It was the night I hung Alex over the balcony. The couple never saw our dog...but they did see my very, very pregnant wife go up the stairs before my outburst. The young husband was convinced I was a crazed psychotic, threatening my pregnant wife for her incontinence. He wanted to stay the night in a motel...his wife wouldn't go. Our neighbors had assured him I was yelling at the dog. He didn't believe them. He was so certain that I was going to come down in the middle of the night and kill them all in their sleep that he stayed up all night...in his car...facing our townhouse so he could see me coming...with the biggest butcher knife our neighbors had grasped tightly in his hands. They left the next morning. He wouldn't stay another night.

Our neighbors laughed about it. So did my wife. I was embarrassed, but I laughed along with them. After all, you have to be able to laugh at yourself, right?

I've retold that story numerous times as an example of the impact our actions can have on others. Everyone always laughs...it is a funny story. But...

Today is Easter...or Paschal. Passover. The day we celebrate Resurrection. New life. New hope. And it occurred to me that the story has a far deeper meaning than I had thought before. You see, we all leave snapshots with people. Not just strangers, but also the ones we love. Those snapshots are all that people have once we are out of their lives, whether that is from distance...or time...or death.

What kind of snapshots do you want to leave people with?

The snapshot I left that man with is not a good one. However, neither is the one that I left those neighbors with. It breaks my heart, especially at this point in my life, to think of how many people I have left with bad images over the years. Not just strangers...but also people I care about. People I love. I've vowed to try and change that.

I believe in the Resurrection. I believe in new life. In hope.

I would encourage each of you that read this to re-examine your lives...your hearts. Please don't be like me. Make sure that you leave good snapshots with people. Especially those you love.

You see, there is always hope.

I saw a photo of Johnny Cline yesterday...and I wept. But...I also changed because of it. For the better, I hope. I changed because of the impact of a photo of a friend...long since gone...but a friend who still had the ability to help me change...even from beyond the grave.

Thank you Johnny. I pray you are finally at peace. You deserve it.

I will see you again...someday soon.

And...I look forward to seeing that handsome smile.

Tell my family in Paradise with you that I said Hi.

GENESIS Chapter 1:1 and 2

Be-reshith bara Elohim eth ha-shamayim we-eth ha-arets: (2) we-ha-arets hayethah tohu
wa-bohu we-choshekh al-pnê tehôm we-rûach Elohim merachepheth al-pnê ha-mayim

In beginning Gods (he) created the heavens and the Earth. But the Earth was laid waste and made desolate, and destruction turned on the abyss.

There is so much to cover in these two verses that it may take me awhile...then again, my wife always says that if the refrigerator light comes on when I open the door, I do at least fifteen minutes.

I marvel at the majesty of God's Word. The first verse in the first chapter declares the Trinity, and explains it better than anyone I've ever heard attempt to. The noun is in the third person plural(Gods), but the verb is conjugated in the third person singular. It isn't until much later...throughout the Scriptures...that the act of creation is attributed to each of the persons of the Godhead individually...how can God be three and yet one? This is about as good as you'll ever get for an explanation. Still think it's the "majestic plural"?


מַע 6:4 ְ
shmo
hear-you !
רָאֵל יִ ְ
ishral
Israel
יְהוָה
ieue
Yahweh
 הֵינ  אֱ
alei·nu
Elohim-of·us
יְהוָה
ieue
Yahweh
אֶחָד
achd
one
:Deuteronomy 6:4
The Sh'ma states literally...
Hear, Oh Israel...I Am your Gods...I Am one.
The word translated "one" is not the number one, rather it has the meaning of a number of things tied into one bundle. So,
Hear Oh Israel...I Am your Gods...I Am collected into One.
And how often were/are the Jews supposed to say this? When they lie down...get up...go in/out a door...walk, etc...
In the very first verse God declares who He is...he doesn't even attempt to explain...take it or leave it.
That God guy is some writer...
I think that's enough for you to think about for one night...more to come soon...

My Wife is a Bitch VS Clint Walker...and the Winner is?

Writing tends to be a very solitary business. I know there are some people who write in teams, but for most of us, it's one on one...you versus the blank page. So, writing teaches you a lot...not only about the subjects that you write about, but also about yourself. I have continued to learn more about myself this last year or so since I started writing this blog. Some good things...some not so good. But I've learned. I have also learned even more about people out there in the world.

I have written on a wide range of topics: religion, politics, fact, fiction, family stories, entertainment, etc. All of the experts say you should stick to one basic topic if you want to be successful and build a following, but I obviously haven't. Doing so may have cost me some readers, but I am a man of many diverse interests and I would like to think that most people are the same way. So I have, and will continue to write on a wide range of topics.

I have had hits from all over the United States and all over the world. Every continent but Antarctica (come on you Antarticans, get on the job!)and almost every country. This has been one of the most surprising elements to me about my blog: the wide range of my readership. But, there has been something even more enlightening than that...the topics people have chosen to read.

My number one blog in readership has been...My Wife is a Bitch, which most readers have come to after googling...are you ready? MY WIFE IS A BITCH! Not for my blog mind you, but probably to find some like minded man who is pissed off at his wife. That is why most of those hitting that article don't stay...once they find out it's a loving tribute to my wife, they leave. The second most popular really surprised me: Clint Walker...maze of memories. I've had a couple of thousand people come to read that one. Most have stayed and read it, then read other articles on my site. I hope Mr. Walker gets word of this and learns how not only great an impact his life has had on people, but how long lasting. I know he did on mine.

Time to move forward in life, and into next year. So, with that in mind, I'm asking all of you to come and visit my radio blog http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-dumbass-speaking/2010/01/05/the-dumb-ass-speaks
The inaugural show is Tuesday, January 5Th. Come and listen to the Dumb Ass...and I pray all of you have a great New Year...

LOST: JACOB HAVE I LOVED PART 2

We've been re-watching different seasons of Lost in preparation for the final season starting Feb 2nd. It's very interesting to go back and watch episodes from the past with the knowledge you have now...you see things that you didn't see before. Some of it may be come into play, some of it may not. It will be interesting to see.

When I wrote the first part of this post, I asked a lot of questions, hoping to spark some debate. This time I'm going to give you what I think could be some answers...although I'm probably wrong about most of them.

Here goes...

I believe that the main thrust of Lost is : Predestination VS Free Will. It is a question that has tormented mankind from the start of recorded time. If you go back to my first post and read the passage from the Bible in Romans Chapter 9, you get one part of God's answer to the debate: God chooses who He chooses. That leads most people to believe that predestination rules all...that we have no true free will. I have never agreed with that...not completely anyway. Go and read the book of Esther in the Old Testament, in particular chapter 4 verses 11-17. According to that passage, the outcome, IE Israel's being saved, is predetermined. It's going to happen. However...who gets the credit for saving Israel is up in the air. It could go to Esther...it will definitely go to someone else if she doesn't act...but it's also possible that others have already passed on the opportunity to save Israel. Esther acts...she is given the credit. She chose to risk her life. She didn't choose to be Jewish. She was chosen, by God, to be part of His family. Keep that in mind.

What am I saying, then? That Lost, like the Bible, teaches that we are predestined to be on one side or the other, but what we do on that side is up to us? That although the final outcome is already fixed, those who get credit is still up in the air? That we have total free will in our choices in how we serve?

Yes...and no.

Consider the case of Jonah. Told by God to be the first missionary. His message to the people of Nineveh? You suck, and God is going to kill you...all of you. Great job. No wonder he bails and tries to get away. But, does God let Jonah choose not to serve? Hell no! That God guy is pretty damn persuasive when He wants to be. Storms, big fish swallowing Jonah, puked on the beach...now, Jonah still had his free will. God, however, persuaded Jonah to go anyway. Why? Couldn't God get someone else to go? Of course He could. God chose to have Jonah go. Again the question is why?

If we are chosen...if the final outcome is already set...then what is the purpose of this life? I liken it to boot camp. A lot of people try and get on the job. Very few make it to the Academy. A lot of those that do make it quit. The DIs stress you out, because they know what kinds of situations you are going to face. They want you to be as prepared as possible. It's rough, but if you make it through you are ready for the job.

Now, on to LOST...

Who is the Man In Black? I'm going to go with Esau...Jacob's brother. He was the one who should have gotten the birthright and the blessing. He sold his birthright to Jacob for a pot of stew (remember Jacob in LOST offers MIB some food, which MIB sarcastically declines). Jacob cheats Esau out of the blessing. (I don't know that we've seen that on the show yet...however, that could be what is going on between them on and off the island)

MIB, Esau, decries the fact that he wasn't "chosen". Not his fault. If only he could do it over again, he'd do it differently. So, like a game of backgammon, they continue to play...using people like pieces. Moving them forward. Having them taken out of play. Putting them back in play farther back on the board. Jacob believes the outcome is determined, no matter what moves MIB makes. Even coming back as another player! His loophole. Jacob has foreseen this move. He has brought people to the island to counter MIB's move...not only in this time, but back in 1977. One group or the other can change the playing field. Perhaps both.

What does that make of our players? Pawns in a giant chess game, being moved against their will? Or, willing participants without knowing a game is even being played?

Are they Esthers? Or are they Jonahs? Or both?

For some, coming back to the island is the only thing they want to do. Others must be persuaded. In the end, they all come back...only to be divided upon return. Why?

What is the island? I believe, I hope, that it is the Gate to the afterlife, to Tartaros, and not Tartaros itself. Eden, Paradise on one side...and torment on the other. It was guarded on one side only...only one way in. No way out. Those who have crossed are the whispers. They can on occasion be seen, like Samuel the prophet by King Saul. But, for the most part, they are in the shadows...heard but not seen.

There are many alternate theories, of course. One involves true time travel...by aliens...from a planet that orbits our Sun every 3600 years. This theory would have Jacob and MIB be two of those aliens who have been left behind. Playing a game that they started back during the time of the Sumerian kings. (Sumer should be pronounced SHumer, or...Shem-er) They were considered gods by the people of their time. All of them went back to their planet the last time it was close...3600 years ago. And now...the planet is coming back...

They're coming...

Just food for thought.

THE BITCH

Early, 1982. I'm going through the Sheriff's Academy. My leg is already for shit. I went and asked the deputy that led PT if there was anything I could do to help it. The guy was in his early fifties. Six months earlier, he'd had heart surgery...and then he's leading all three classes(junior, senior, and reserves at night) in PT. Every day. So, like I said, I ask him if there's anything I can do about my leg. The guy was a stud. If anyone would know, it would be him. His response:

It's just these pussy three mile runs we're going on right now. Once we get up to a man sized run, like six, eight miles or so, your legs will stretch out...mine do the same thing right now. You'll be fine.

They said if you could walk, you could run. I could walk...and I was highly motivated.

The day after I asked him about it, my DI came up to me during the daily run. Right along side. Just looked at me for a while. Then he asks me:

Your leg botherin' you, Wonder Bread?

Sir, No Sir!

Then don't be botherin' my PT instructor again. You got that?

Sir, Yes Sir!

We had a routine for PT everyday. Stretch. Push-ups. Sit-ups. Run. We started at three miles. We were at four then. Working our way up to twelve. At the end of each run, we'd slow to a walk in the parking lot. Two laps. Then into the gym for stress-recovery-stress:25 seconds of as many push-ups as you could do, followed immediately by 25 seconds of as many sit-ups as you could do, followed by 25 seconds of as many three count squat thrusts as you could do, and finally, 25 seconds of as many jumping jacks as you could do.

Then you got a 30 second rest...and did it all over at 20 seconds. Then fifteen.

By the twelfth week we were doing 60 seconds, 55, and 50. It didn't matter who you were. It didn't matter how great of shape you were in. If you gave it everything you had during stress-recovery-stress, you were done when it was over. Couldn't even lift your arms over your head to take your shirt off before your shower. Your buddy had to do it for you, and vice-versa. And, you only got five minutes to get out of your PT gear, shower, and be back in uniform in formation.

That two lap walk to cool down at the end of the run was huge. You really needed it.

Starting that day, I no longer got it.

In 1982, the Los Angeles Sheriff's Academy was located at Biscailuz Center in East LA. It's set on a hill. Every day, at the start of our run, we would head out of the parking lot down a serpentine road. On the final turn you looked up and saw what we affectionately referred to as, "The Bitch." It was a road that ran up a hill bordering the Jails on the west, the freeway on the east, and Sybil Brand women's jail on the north. It went up at about a forty-five degree angle for over a hundred yards, leveled for about ten, and then went up again at an even steeper angle for another hundred and fifty or so. There was a gate at the top of the hill, connecting Biscailuz with Sybil Brand. The gate was unlocked by a DI when we got there, and locked behind us after we went through.

Every time.

It was a security risk. That's why it had to be a DI to unlock it...and a DI to make sure it was locked behind us.

Every time.

But something changed that day. We get in the parking lot. Cool down walk time. Psyching up for stress-recovery-stress. My DI comes up to me as we're marching.

Cadet Blake!

Sir, Yes Sir!

I don't think DI Massey locked the gate after we went through. I need someone to check it and make sure...you just volunteered...GO!

Cocksucking, ball-licking, punk ass bitch motherfucker...I said that to myself, of course...as I took off down the serpentine road. The Bitch was waiting for me when I turned the last curve. Smiling at me. Whispering. Telling me, in a very soothing voice, to just quit now. There was no way I could do it...and even if I did, I'd never make it through stress-recovery-stress after that anyway. Just quit.

Her voice was soft and cool. Silky against my heart. Seductive.

I told her to go fuck herself, and started up the hill.

I don't know how I made it up there that first time. I tried to keep my head down. Not look. When I finally did look up, I wasn't even halfway. I could feel my knee swelling. Grapefruit size by now. And the Bitch kept whispering sweet nothings into my ear...or was it the wind? Or my own tortured soul...

I finally made it to the top. The gate, of course, was locked. Tighter than Massey's sphincter. I turned around and headed back down.

They were kind enough to wait for me in the gym. Very thoughtful. My DI didn't want me to miss out on the full Academy experience. By the time we were done, I could barely walk. My knee was the size of a cantaloupe. But I didn't limp. Got showered. Waited for EOW. When we were dismissed for the day, I went to the soda machines. I hate sodas. But I was hurting. I bought two Squirts. Drank one on the way to my car. Nursed the other while I sat there and smoked. Tears ran down my face from the pain. I couldn't bend my leg because of the swelling. I thanked God for getting me through it. I thanked Him it was a one time thing.

I didn't hear Him laughing.

Next day we're walking our laps after the run. Here comes my DI.

Cadet Blake!

Sir, Yes Sir!

I don't think DI Massey locked the gate after we went through...

And off I went again. Cursing him under my breath. Cursing God. Cursing the Bitch. Cursing the sweet whispers...

Everyday after that, the same thing. We started with over two hundred people. We lost sixty-five by the end of the second week. More each week after that. By the sixth week, people started to get the handle on things. Everyone but me. I was still checking the gate. By this point, we were up to about six and a half to seven miles on the run. My knee...well, it didn't look good. Still, I kept making it.

And the Bitch kept try to seduce me.

Seventh week. We're walking in the parking lot. I'm waiting for my DI. All of a sudden, they take the class back up to running speed. They start everyone down the serpentine road. The class turned the corner...and looked up at the Bitch.

Half of the class quit before we ever started going up. Just quit. Almost all of the rest quit within the first fifty yards. When we got to the half way point where it leveled off, there were only three other cadets still running besides me. My DI was waiting there for us. He turned the other three back around and sent them down. He smiled at me.

Check the gate, Blake.

Sir, Yes Sir!

And I did.

I'd like to tell you it stopped after that. I'd also like to tell you that I look like George Clooney, but unfortunately, my pictures on the blog. So, I won't lie about either one.

I had people after me while I was going through the Academy. Two DIs in particular. My DI wasn't one of the two.

I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't been running up the Bitch all of those weeks, I would have dropped just like most of the others. That would have been all either of those two DIs would have needed. But, because I'd been doing it, it was no big deal to me.

Don't get me wrong. I never liked it. It always hurt. I almost always cried in pain before I went home. But, it didn't beat me. They didn't beat me. I made it. And, I'm not certain that I would have...if I hadn't been put through the shit first.

We all go through things in our lives. Some, much worse than others. We all have our own version of the Bitch. It's hard to think about it being to your benefit as your running up it...when your legs ache...when you have the dry heaves...when you think you can't take even one more step...and you know that stress-recovery-stress is waiting for you...if you make it.

James chapter one does NOT say that the testing of your faith works patience. Bad translation. The Greek word is for Endurance. Patience is passive. Endurance isn't. It's work. It makes you stronger.

God wants you to be as strong as you need to be for what's coming. He's not doing you any favors letting you sit on the couch eating Bon-Bons if you have a marathon coming.

And this life isn't just a marathon. It's an obstacle course, gauntlet, marathon. And God wants you to do more than finish.

He wants you to win.

You get down when you're running up the Bitch. You get angry. Frustrated. Mad at God. That's all OK. It's normal. But, you don't have to run alone. We're running together. So, when your sucking wind...and you don't think you can take another step...talk to God...and yes, cussing Him out is still talking...you aren't going to shock Him. He expects it.

Then call up a Buddy. Go have a beer together. Howl at the moon together.

Don't run alone.

You can always talk to God.

And, you can always talk to me.

We'll beat that Bitch.

Together.

The Hubble Ultra Deep Field...Gravitational Lensing, Superluminal speeds...and the mind of God

My father-in-law is one of the smartest men I know. He is always studying...searching...learning...questioning. I try to do the same, so he sends me interesting links from time to time...like this one:

http://kottke.org/09/08/hubble-ultra-deep-field-in-3-d


Go and watch it...then come back.

Wow. Pretty incredible, isn't it?

I was drawn to astronomy, and then all of the quantum fields, at a very early age. I wrote a paper on gravitational lensing, and its implications on whether the universe was finite or infinite,expanding or static...and whether or not it might have started to contract already.

That was in 1970 when gravitational lensing was still just a theory. Actual proof didn't come until observation of so-called Twin QSO SBS 0957+561 in 1979 confirmed it. (You can find out about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin_QSO



That led me to a second paper, one that I labeled "The rubber band effect". Basically, it had to do with the hypothetical outer limits of the universe causing a snap back of the mass towards its own center. This "snap back" could, in theory, cause the collapse to approach, and then pass, the speed of light. Our knowledge, or ability to prove such an occurrence, would depend on the point at which acceleration passed the speed of light. If it occurred late enough in the collapse, there might have been enough time for the light from the farthest galaxies that began to move inward to reach us before it was too late. If it occurred too early, we would never know it was coming.

Picture a train, speeding away from you, its tail lights fading in the distance. Now imagine that train going faster and faster, until it hit some unknown outer boundary that caused it to sling shot backwards. How would you know? First, you might see/sense that the distant train was slowing down. It might even appear to hang momentarily between going forward and heading back. Then you would see the lights on the train begin to get brighter and brighter as the train grew closer. But, what if, at some point, the train began to move faster than the lights? When would you know that the train was getting close?

Not until it ran you over.

Both papers were filled with the requisite formulas. Both were met with eye rolling and quiet derision by everyone in the department. By that time, at fourteen, I was laughing called "The rubber band boy"...except for one professor. He took me to lunch not long after.

His opinion mattered a great deal to me. He had told a story my first day in class that I never forgot.

I know most of you won't continue taking classes in astronomy. For most of you, it is elective class. You must take to graduate. I know how boring elective class can be. I go to small school back east...I don't know if you ever hear of it...it called MIT. I must take music appreciation class as elective. I do very bad in class. Only get B. Teacher teach only to those who know music. Not the rest of us. So, I try to do different. Make class fun for everyone. Not too deep. You have questions, you ask. I make time for all.

I looked up his CV later that day. Dual Doctorate from MIT. At Twenty something. His GPA was on file. 3.9999...you get the idea. That B in music appreciation was the only grade lower than an A he ever got. So smart he made me feel like amoeba slime. So personal and caring, he made me feel I belonged. We had become close in the years I had been there. So, I was flattered and happy that he wanted to take me to lunch. A little apprehensive as well. I needn't have been. He was as caring and kind as always.

He had, of course, read both of my papers. He felt that each had merit. That I had merit. But not the wisdom that comes form experience.

Your papers are very good. Make people think. Too much.

What's wrong with that?

You make them think about things they don't want to think about. They are mechanics, not philosophers.

Mechanics?

I will tell you story. My grandfather tell it to me many years ago, before I come to this country to study at MIT.

Long ago, men realize they live in a house. House is very nice. Perfect for them. But they know they not build it. Where does house come from, they ask? At night, lights come on. Some of the people worship the lights. Then, the mechanics come. They study the lights. Watch how they work. Follow cord down to plug in wall. Lights are not Gods, they say. Power for lights come from wall. People ask how power gets in wall. They worship wall sockets, wall and lights. Mechanics study for long, long time. They take wall apart. Find wires. Follow wires to outside wall where two BIG wires come into house. Wall sockets, wall and lights not Gods, they tell people. Power comes from these two big wires. People worship big wires. The people believe that someone had to make the house...the wires, the lights. Mechanics get mad. They tell people that the house, wires and power have always been there. There is only the house.

Finally, after many years, the mechanics go outside. At night. All of the people talking about who made the house drives them crazy. They look around. There are many houses. Many lights. Hundreds of them. The people marvel. Who made so many houses, they ask? No one, say the mechanics. They just are.

More years go by. A group of mechanics walk out of the neighborhood. Up a hill. Look around. There is a whole city beneath them. Millions of lights. They are afraid if they tell the people, they will really believe someone must have made it all. But, a wise old mechanic calms them. He tells them to bring the people out to see the city. Once they see it, most of them will believe whatever the mechanics tell them.

He is right, of course. The people are overwhelmed. They can't even plug in a lamp, let alone understand where the light comes form. The mechanics are smarter. They say the city has always been there: it's always been there. They say their house is just a small, insignificant house in a big city: the people believe them. Oh, a few still believe that someone made the city...but most just want to enjoy the lights and warmth of the house. Not think.

You talk about God. They can't laugh at you. You know too much. So, they make small jokes. Rubber band boy...and they hope you go away. Study something else.

What do you think?

I do not believe in God the way you do. I don't know if I can. I would want to ask Him things...not about the house, or the city...about the people. If I were God, I would not make people that do what...bad things. Very bad things. But, I have seen too much to believe that everything just is. Big Bang, Big Crunch...Big Bang, Big Crunch...for always? No. I think maybe I believe in Einstein's God. Something is out there. Something made the city...the house...the people. Something. But what, or who? I don't know. I'm just a mechanic...

Not hardly. Is that why they hate my papers?

Some...not all. You don't understand what your last paper means...at least, what it means to them.

What does it mean to them?

If you are right, if snap back can go faster than light, when could rubber band have started snapping back?

Anytime, I guess.

So, when could it hit?

Anytime...

Yes...you see now? Your face says yes, you do see. If whole universe could blink out, anytime...without warning...what will make people in the house play nice with each other? The mechanics may love chaos as theory for universe...not for their own lives. Survival of fittest? Mechanics not very fit, and we know it...I think.

You think people everywhere would just go nuts? Riot, steal, kill...all of that?

Why not? If no one built the house, the city...who will make them clean up what they break? Especially if it's all going to break soon anyway. Now, you never tell me...do you really believe paper you wrote?

Yes.

Then why you not afraid it happen tomorrow? Or today?

The answer is in my Bible...I don't think it will happen for at least a thousand years or so...but we might see signs soon...I don't know.

I hope you are right. In the mean time...I will work on the lights, like a good mechanic...and keep my questions to myself. Your God has a strange sense of humor.

I left the department not long after that. I was already a heretic at church...didn't need to be one in physics as well. Besides, they never even talked about, let alone wanted to play, sports. And they never, ever talked about girls...God's most glorious creation.

If you live in a city, like I do, it's hard to really see the stars at night. But, I grew up part time on a reservation in Northwest New Mexico. The way you could see the stars there...I go back in my mind...and marvel...

People used to ask me, how I could believe in God, knowing what I knew...

My answer back then was the same as it is now...

How could I not?

Hebrews 11:1&2

II Peter 3:10-14

Anti-Semitism, Replacement Theology, and the Church

I heard something on the radio the other day that angered, upset, and saddened me. A noted radio host, The Bible Answer Man, had a caller who questioned the antisemitism of Martin Luther. She was fairly new to Christ...had been raised in a Lutheran Church...but had never read the vile, hateful things that Luther had written about the Jews. She was understandably confused and shocked. What followed, from the supposed "Bible answer man", can be found here...
http://www.oneplace.com/common/player/oneplace/CustomPlayer.asp?bcd=2/26/2009&url=mms://wm.salemweb.net/a3186/o29/oneplace/wm/bam/bam20090226.wma&MinTitle=Bible+Answer+Man&MinURL=http://www.oneplace.comhttp://www.oneplace.com/ministries/bible_answer_man/&MinArchives=http://www.oneplace.comhttp://www.oneplace.com/ministries/bible_answer_man/archives.asp&Refresh=&AdsCategory=MINISTRY.BAM&Show_ID=243
beginning at about the 40 minute mark. Listen for yourself.

There is no place in the life of a Scriptural Christian for antisemitism, no matter how you couch it. There is no justification...no excuse for the vile, hateful rantings of Martin Luther. Period.

There is no place in the Church for any doctrine, even one solely on eschatology, whose end result brings about hatred...especially of the Jews. If you can't see the error of that, then may God have pity on you. I don't.

When the Church adopts the hate speech of racist groups...whether they be Klan, white supremacists, Nazis, etc...it is a shame to the Cross of Christ. If you speak against the Jews with hate, you are a disgrace as a Christian. If you attempt to mask that hate with feigned logic and reason, you are a coward. If you attempt to misuse and distort the Scriptures to justify your position of hatred toward the Jews, then you are anathema.

I had planned on this being a long, scholarly piece on the inaccuracies of the preterist position on eschatology and its end resulting error of Church involvement in world politics over the last 1600 plus years...and that involvement leading to the absolute disgrace of the Church, both Protestant and Catholic, being the number one persecutors of the Jews.

I can't...at least not right now. My hands are shaking as I type. I feel the same right now as I would if someone prostituted the words of my beloved wife to justify such a truly evil position.

Search out the Scriptures for yourself. Search out history. Try and find, within the Bible, any justification for what the Church has done, is doing, and continues to do to the Jews. There is none. None.

I am ashamed. I am angry. I hope that you either are, or will be.

My son was watching a special with me on TV many years ago. The special was on antisemitism. One of the scenes showed a cross burning while the words of Luther were being read. Chance was only about four years old. He looked at me, puzzled.

Daddy, is the man talking a Christian?

He was supposed to be son, yes.

Isn't Jesus Jewish?

Yes son, He is.

Then that man is stupid...and so are those people burning that cross.

Then he got up and left the room.

Out of the mouths of babes...

Lost: Faith versus Reason

There has been a long recurring theme on LOST...the debate between faith and Reason. This debate has best been exemplified by the relationship between John Locke and Dr. Jack Shephard. Ironically, the real John Locke was a philosopher whose Deistic views denied original sin and taught that the human mind was a tabula rasa, or blank slate. Yet, within this view, the philosopher taught that each individual is the determiner of his own fate...and still tied inextricably to the group as a whole.

Shephard, on the other hand, is a derivation of shepherd, one who nurtures a group...particularly in a religious sense. Jack's father's name is Christian, or follower of Christ. Jack himself, although a nurturing leader of the group, has no faith in anyone or anything...primarily because he has no real faith in himself. That is why he trusts in reason, and reason alone, to guide him and his actions.

John Locke of LOST is a man of faith. He believes that each person CAN create their own life. However, this was a belief he had "lost" prior to coming to the island. It is obvious that he believes that the individual is responsible for the group...and that the group is responsible for each of its individual parts. One individual(Jack) can destroy the group by their actions...and the group can destroy each individual by theirs. Both are entwined.

I have seen a few references to episode 5.06 316. Some have made minor reference to the scriptural passage of John 3:16
For God so loved the cosmos that he gave His one of a kind Son(the correct translation of monogenes) that whoever acts in faith into Him shall not be destroyed, but their Spirit/Soul shall live through Eternity.

The Greek word to believe, or to faith, is Pisteuo. It is an active verb. The way that the late professor emeritus explained it to me was:

If I say, in English, that you will catch me if I fall, it requires no action on my part. You don't even have to be in the same room with me. To believe, in English, is a passive verb.

However, if I say, Ego pisteuo that you will catch me if I fall, it requires action.

• I must be in the act of falling.
• I must be past the point of catching myself.
• You cannot have caught me yet.

That is why the act of believing for a Christian is the demonstration of their faith. You are falling towards someone that you cannot see...that no one can see...that you cannot prove even lived, let alone died and rose again...let alone is God Himself. The act of this falling makes you look clumsy, at best. If some one should happen to ask you why you are falling, and you tell them that you believe an invisible God/man is going to catch you, you risk looking very foolish...especially in light of the fact that we have never seen Him actually catch anyone. Once He catches them...they are dead to us. No proof.

This explains the supposed contradiction between James and Paul. James was writing to an audience(the twelve tribes abroad) who were hearing "Believe" in their own languages. James explained to them what pisteuo really meant. You must act on what you say you believe, or it means you don't really mean it.

What did Locke's note say to Jack? "I wish you had believed me." Had Jack acted on what Locke told him, none of the bad things would have happened to those left behind...or to people like Sayid's girlfriend when they got back.

What was left of the note when Jack woke up on the island? "I wish..."

Locke demonstrates his faith by his actions. Jack demonstrates his lack of faith in anyone, including himself, by his indecisiveness...and lies.

Locke makes a sacrifice of his life to get everyone to go back...to save those left behind...to save the island...and perhaps everyone on earth. he has been kicked in the teeth far more times in his life, and by the island, than Jack...and yet he still believes...enough to die.

What do you believe? What are you willing to look like a clumsy fool for? What are you willing to die for, with no proof that you are right?

Would you rather be Locke, or Jack?

Lost Season 5: The Rules of Time Travel

"Raffiniert ist der Herrgott, aber boshaft ist er nicht."
"Subtle is the Lord, but malicious He is not."
Albert Einstein

"There are rules – rules that can't be broken."
Daniel to Sawyer

"You're special...the rules don't apply to you..."
Daniel to Desmond

First of all, let me say, I really enjoy "LOST". We started watching it at the end of the first season...bought the DVD boxed set, and watched it straight through over a couple of days. We got hooked. It's uneven...not always up to its own standards...but a very good ride.

From the very start, I've been intrigued with the way the story delves into time travel...a theoretical branch of physics/quantum mechanics. Time travel is a Pandora's box...the paradoxes that spring from it lead to far more questions than answers...and takes you through names like: Einstein...Werner Heisenberg...Niels Henrik David Bohr... Erwin Rudolf Josef Alexander Schrödinger...and Stephen Hawking, among a multitude of others.(pun intended)

It presents you with theories and thought problems like: The uncertainty principle... Schrödinger's cat... The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics...wave–particle duality...Quantum superposition... the anthropic principle... The Novikov self-consistency principle...and the many-worlds interpretation...to name just a few.

Confused yet? I'll put some links at the end for anyone who wants to read up on some of these people and theories...but first...

Let me tell you a story.

I was a weird kid. Even more weird than I am now(hard to believe, but true). My mom went back to college when I was four or five. She had no place to put me, so she took me with her. I still remember her Algebra class. The professor wrote an equation on the board. Asked if anyone could solve it. I waited. No one raised their hand, so I did. He laughed as he motioned me to come forward, then handed me the chalk. He wasn't laughing when I wrote the correct answer. Asked me how I knew...told him I just saw it. He figured it was a trick my mom was pulling on him. So...he wrote a few more problems for me...harder problems. I wrote down the answers. That's when he decided it was no parlor trick.

My mom told my dad about it when we got home. Now...my dad was pretty damn good at math. He was the head stillman at an oil refinery. He could work out calc-trig problems and extract cube root on a slide rule faster than I have ever seen anyone do it on a calculator...the man was good. He gave me a few problems...then a few more. Finally, he asked me the same question...how? I told him the truth...I just saw the answer. That was good enough for my dad. From that point on, I loved math.

Math is a language. When used properly, it is the only pure, universal language. I liked that. No mistranslations. It simply is.

They put me in college when I was twelve.(we're talking really, really weird kid...the only things I lacked were coke bottle thick glasses, a plastic pocket protector full of pens and pencils, a bow tie and suspenders...and a flashing neon sign on my forehead reading "GEEK"). I planned on staying with math from that point on...until...

Second year. Quantum mechanics. Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Basically, you can't know a particle's position and velocity simultaneously. You can know one or the other, but...the act of measuring impacts the particle...so you either impact its speed, or its position. The bulk of modern quantum mechanics is based on a rule that says we can't know...not that we aren't capable of knowing, because of our ignorance or inadequacies at this time...no...the rule was it could NEVER be known.

My response at 14...BULLSHIT! One of my Professors tried to patiently explain it to me using the Schrödinger's cat thought experiment. This is it, in a nutshell...

You put a cat in a box. With it, you put a flask of poison, a Geiger counter, and a flask breaker. The box is sealed to keep out external phenomena. If the Geiger counter detects any radioactivity, the flask breaks and...the cat dies. There's just enough isotope in the box for the probability of it happening. According to quantum mechanics, the cat becomes both alive and dead...simultaneously. It is neither alive, nor dead, until...someone opens the box to observe its state. It is the act of observation that causes the cat to die.

I'm not making this shit up.

My dad had taught me from a young age that there was a world of difference between theory and practical app. When my professor was done, I proposed a counter experiment. I suggested he put his daughter, who was then my age, in the box with all of that equipment...not in theory, mind you...in a real box...with real poison. Then all he had to do was stand guard over the box...as long as he could keep anyone from opening the box, his daughter would never die.

He didn't think that was very funny. I wasn't laughing either. I told him he didn't really believe what he told me. I told him he was only involved with that theory...not committed. He didn't understand the difference.

My grandad had passed away recently. I used to ride my bike out to my Granny's trailer and mow her small patch of grass. Then she would make me something to eat, and we'd smoke and talk when I was done. One day I came over complaining about something. My Granny told me the problem was that I was involved in the circumstance, not committed. I told her I didn't understand.

She went over to her stove and started frying up some bacon. She laid it aside when it was done, and scrambled some eggs in the pan. She served them to me when she was done, then sat smoking while I ate...not saying a word...until I was finished.

"You like that boy? Good...no here's the answer to your question...the chicken that laid those eggs was involved in your meal...the pig was God damn committed..."

I've never forgotten that...I doubt that professor has either. He still had no desire to try out his experiment...and to the best of my knowledge...no one else ever has either...

That was the end of math for me...the higher up you went, the more it became like philosophy...or religion...instead of pure math...again, the hubris of human ego raises its ugly head...

Now, I'm much more like the following quote:

The human mind is not capable of grasping the Universe. We are like a little child entering a huge library. The walls are covered to the ceilings with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written these books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books---a mysterious order which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects.

Albert Einstein

That Einstein guy was pretty sharp...spent the last thirty-plus years of his life trying to disprove what everyone believed his own theories had proven. Thirty-plus years...that's the kind of stubbornness I can relate too...and I'd be lucky now to be able to add two plus two(it's five, right? please tell me it's five...or three)

Now, I know what your asking yourself..."OK Chris...what the fuck does any of this have to do with LOST?"

Good question. Here are Daniel's comments again...

"There are rules...rules that can't be broken."

"You're special...the rules don't apply to you."

He's talking about Time Travel. The Novikov self-consistency principle is a perfect example. It states: That if an event exists that would give rise to a paradox, or to any "change" to the past whatsoever, then the probability of that event is zero. Such as auto infanticide...you couldn't go back and kill yourself, your parents(before you were born), etc...because then you wouldn't have been alive to go back and...see the paradox? According to most physicists, if there is Time Travel, there has to be rules. You could affect the past...but not change it.

Then you have the MWI or many-worlds interpretation...simply: it means that there is a very large, perhaps infinite, number of universes and that everything that could possibly happen in our universe (but doesn't) does happen in some other universe(s).

Clear as mud?

Two schools of thought...both depending on observation...on an observer. Both presuppose that we are the observer. There is, in my opinion, a third option...What if...

Think of life...of time and our physical universe...as a film. Written before it was shot...already shot, and in the can...the beginning, middle, and end established...done. Now it's time for the test screening...your the writer/director/producer(God)...you like the film...it works...but you decide you want to make some changes without impacting the key points, especially the ending...what do you do? You re-write and shoot pick-ups to the scenes you want changed...carefully edit and splice them in...watch again...

How many times could you do that before you showed the "finished film"? An infinite number of times...

What is it that makes film visible to us? Light...when light passes through the moving frames of film, it comes alive...

Now, for the sake of argument, let's call that light "consciousness"...and let's say, that besides our individual consciousnesses, there is an ultimate consciousness. There would always be light on all frames of the film at all times...but we would only "see" the parts that we light up...

Have you ever had deja vu? Premonitions? Dreams of a past event that you know are different than the way you remeber it happening? Not remember an incident that others around you remember vividly? Are you skipping backward and forward through time?

Why is Desmond special? What, or who, does he represent?(Messiah-like sacrifices...first for Penny, then for the world...twice) Who is Ms. Hawking? Who, or what, does she represent?

Are the storylines in LOST set in stone...or just the beginning, middle, and ending?

Are our entire lives set in stone? Or, just the beginning...middle...and the end...or can even the ending be changed? Do we...like the characters in LOST, skip backwards and forwards in the film of time? Is it true, what Shakespear said, that "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players:They have their exits and their entrances;And one man in his time plays many parts..." Is there a playwrite for us?

Are we on our own version of LOST?

Boshaft ist der Christofer Blake...aber raffiniert ist er nicht...

Malicious is Christopher Blake...but subtle he is not...

Let the comments begin...

Links...


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wave-particle_duality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger_equation
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Werner_Heisenberg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohr-Einstein_debates
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_superposition
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many-worlds_interpretation_of_quantum_mechanics
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Novikov_self-consistency_principle
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthropic_principle
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slit_experiment
http://www.quantumtea.com/blog/?m=200502