Friday, April 9, 2010


I cut my finger yesterday. No big deal, except that the meds that I have to take for my stent make me bleed like a stuck pig. I have to bandage the finger up with a few bandages each time to keep the blood from soaking through. That makes the finger rather cumbersome...and my typing, which is not the best in the world to begin with, has suffered tremendously. I keep hitting extra keys, and bleeding on the keyboard. Some of the spellings are quite unique to say the least. So, Patti, if you thought my misspelling of sunshine was bad, you should see this stuff. This won't be the blog I originally planned. Something shorter will have to do.

I had planned on writing either about why Jesus wept, or about imaginary time/Schrodinger's Cat/and the philosophy of quantum mechanics. Not today. Let's just do...

What if?

Two word combination, but very powerful. We all do it...all the time. Usually, we do it over missed opportunities...missed chances. It's quite often replaced with, "if only". We're quite certain that if God, or whatever it is that you personally believe in, had only done things better for us, we wouldn't be in the terrible place we find ourselves in.

I prefer to look at it a different way.

What if I hadn't gotten crippled on the job as a Deputy Sheriff ?

It's a simple one, but it serves my point well. I can assure you, when I went through that whole experience, I didn't think that God was looking out for me. I didn't think He was looking out for me over the next few years, as the nerve damage grew worse. I didn't think that He was looking out for me when they found the tumor on the nerve, and thought they were going to take my leg.

I asked a lot of what ifs back then.

But...if all of that hadn't happened...

I wouldn't have met my beautiful wife. I believe that meeting, and marrying her, was God's first, best destiny for me. It could have been reached in a far better, much easier journey. You see, I had driven my life so far off course that I wasn't going to meet her. I wasn't going to get to marry the woman of my dreams. I had really screwed up the direction that God had wanted my life to go. Thankfully, for whatever reason, He loves me. He loves me enough to cripple me to get me back on course...back to the only love that could ever have saved me. Cherish's love.

It's what He wanted for me all along. I just made Him work a thousand times harder to get me there than was necessary.

Now, am I saying that all of the bad things that happen in people's lives are their fault? God forbid. I do know, however, that some of our worst problems are of our own making. Mine in particular. That's why I had the heart attack. Course correction again. I wasn't appreciating children...and all of the other wonderful things in my life enough. So, God let me have another Chance.

When I was laying on the bathroom floor, struggling to find the strength to crawl and get my phone to call 911...I wasn't thinking about being injured on the job. I wasn't thinking about all of the terrible things that I thought had happened in my life. I was thinking about Cherish...and about my children. I was thinking about how blessed I had been...and about how I had taken those blessings for granted. I was thinking, however...if only...

If only God gives me another chance...

I'll make sure I tell my wife everyday that she is God's most beautiful and wonderful creation. I'll make sure my children know how special and precious they are to me...and how ferociously proud of each one of them I am. I'll make certain that every single day that I have left... I SHOW my wife what she means to me...not just spout empty words.

It was their faces that gave me the strength to crawl to my phone. It was their love that kept me going.

Now I don't say, What if? Or, If only...

I say...don't let me forget...don't let me forget.

And, I'm grateful for all of the things in my life that led me to where I am...even the bad ones.

And, I thank God every day for course correcting my life so many times.


Patricia said...

It's always good to question "What if?" and then think about the path we could have taken. You suggest to us that although we have choices in life, perhaps the paths laid out for us to choose from aren't so random after all. Someone else does have the big picture, but it's up to us to fill in the pieces. Thank you, as always, for the introspection and for tickling our thoughts! This takes me back 35+ years ago, to the many deep discussions we had on my front porch....

abaddon911 said...

Another touching blog. I love it. Thank you sharing.


About Me

My photo
Christopher Blake is a loving husband...devoted father...minister...crippled more than a little rough around the edges...